Your relationship is over. Dead. Ka-put. Departed. Defunct. Final.
Resting in peace. Or maybe not!
What happened? To be able to move on with your love life, you will need to accept the ending of your relationship. Acceptance means to receive the lessons that that relationship has to offer. Are you open to what that relationship can teach you? Are you curious as to what you can learn about yourself from having been in that relationship?
The perfect time to do an autopsy of a relationship is after it ends and before your desire for another love relationship is acted on. An autopsy is a thorough examination to determine the cause and manner of why the relationship failed. The autopsy is performed postmortem on yourself as you look at you in that relationship.
What better time to do an autopsy than when you are open to understanding what contributed to the relationship’s demise. Why not understand what happened and stop repeating the same mistakes? These mistakes get in the way of having loving relationships.
Even if you have not been in a relationship for a while, you can still exhume any dead relationship from your past and find the clues of its demise. The process is the same.
Here are the questions to ask in performing a thorough autopsy. Your honest and heart-felt answers can bring to light valuable information that you can use to move forward towards love:
1. What were your thoughts about yourself while in the relationship? Was there a pattern to the thoughts?
2. Where did you spend energy and time in trying to change your partner? How could you have used your time and energy to love yourself?
3. Where did you change yourself to please your partner?
4. What needs of yours were not met?
5. What signals were you sending out?
6. Where did you ignore your intuition that would have guided you towards love- if you trusted it?
7. What were the problems and frustrations in your relationship that were a reflection of you? What were the problems and frustrations- that your partner had with you- that were a reflection of you?
8. What are the pains and open wounds that you currently have from that relationship? What were the open wounds and pains that you brought into that relationship? What were your role and responsibility in having those open wounds/pain?
9. What were your decisions and behaviors that led to its finality? Where did you see the consequences of those decisions and behaviors in your life now?
10. How would you describe your true self at the beginning of the relationship? Describe your true self when the relationship ended?
11. How did you teach your partner to treat you?
12. What do you want to change in yourself to heal from your last relationship?
13. What did the relationship teach you about yourself? What are the lessons learned that will not need to be repeated?
Take time before you bury your relationships. Even if they are over, they still have a shelf-life of their own. The process of saying goodbye to a relationship that has ended is essential before you choose to welcome in love of a new relationship. The time you take to understand and accept the gifts from all your past relationships is precious.
The birth of new love relationships are built on the lessons accepted from the ending of love relationships.
An autopsy is a gift that keeps on giving.